Fear to get hurt

Nobody can hurt me like I can hurt myself.

— Sylvia Simone Gerssen .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always hold back on sharing who I am, in an attempt to keep control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back out of fear that if I do share or give all to others they will misuse or violate it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to get hurt when I do not hold back on who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to give all I have and share that with others out of fear to get hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to create this hole inside of me to withdraw myself the moment I think it will get dangerous to give more of myself and drag all that I could give with me into this hole to never share it again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not share all, show all of me instead of taking a risk, from a point of what is best for all, and see where I would really compromise if I was to share myself entirely and for ones experience how it is to show all there is to me in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear to not be able to share myself entirely so I will stay in the same position and taking away opportunities from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other’s responses when I share myself and taking their reactions personal from a starting point of fear, fear to get hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take away a moment of connecting with another when I do not dare to share me and share what I see, what I can bring to the table, as if it is nothing and of no worth what I have to offer to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself first by deciding to not fully share myself with others even before they are able to hurt me.

When and as I see myself wanting to crawl back into my safe hole to avoid getting hurt, I stop and breath. I realise that it is me hurting myself and whenever I can stand in self-honesty behind the words that I share, I will never get hurt, since I decide whenever I get hurt. I commit myself to realise in moments where the fear to get hurt arises, when I share myself, to ground myself, concentrate on my breathing and only speak or act again when the fear has dissipated, so I can stand behind my words without any fear of getting hurt, and share the true me.