It’s D-day, so grow up!

Our current reality imposes itself as a sad image, whatever you want to believe in and whatever story resonates with you, it is deeply sad either way. It is deeply sad that we as humanity have come to a point where we have come to consider it normal that life is a bitter pill to swallow. But isn’t it the condescension of all this that makes us so sad? The haughtiness of our leaders and the belittling way we are addressed as little children? Groping in the dark, because the information we receive is full of illogical contradictions. As a child we feel left in the dark while Father State walks away in a fog of mystery and uncertainty. That feels absolutely unpleasant and makes us sad. We don’t seem to have a future other than an idea mapped out for us by people we don’t know but who think they know us. That makes us sad.

When I made myself completely empty today, with my eyes closed, after a full gulp of air, I saw nothing at first and that made me restless. Is there anything, I wondered! And gradually I could distinguish a garden fence of closed planks with a garden gate in it that was moved back and forth by the wind. It was dark and it was foggy and nothing else. This image I saw of the nothingness that made me restless reminded me of not knowing, that is so central to our current world. But did we know before? No, back then we still believed that everything would be fine. Now we really only see our own doom scenarios come true. So there is actually nothing new under the sun, other than how we experience it now. With the difference that the dark as we experience it has now come to light.

The flapping gate in the wind seemed ominous and at the same time inviting, after all it was open. Just like our current world, we see that we are not doing well as humanity and all the dangers that we are now exposed to, be it from the corner of humans or the virus. At the same time, we all know inside that how we kept our world going, that strategy was not going to deliver the eternal promised growth.

At the same time that the gate is rattling, I cannot see what is inside that garden because of the fog and darkness. And that seems like a nice metaphor for our collective fear of the unknown. Where is this going? Where are we being led? Without directly wondering whether that should not be our own existential question. Where do we want to go? And from there, where are we going?

The problem now, today, of our humanity as a collective lies in our own immaturity. We love to let ourselves be taken by the hand as a child. Of course that’s not just one dimensional, but for today let’s focus on that. Because isn’t it really about the simple fact that we as a collective don’t realise that each of us is our own leader? As leaders of ourselves, we can all make our own choices, which is not something that should be driven by external people or things. But making our own choices requires adhering to it and adhering to it requires taking responsibility. And then there is the question of whether we think of going through the chattering gate ourselves or whether we prefer to be convinced by others why we should or should not go through the gate? We are capable and we are ready to be our own leaders. When our minds say otherwise, ask it what it needs to grow to come to self-leadership. But how does our mind get those beliefs? That is years of data collection of emotions, feelings and events that have shaped us. There are also protective mechanisms in there, and yes, our mind may be good to us, but it may also be a bit outdated. What was good for us 10 years ago may not be today. That also resembles Father State who, as he says, wants to protect us from the worst. But from what data collection is Father State built up? Is he not behind the facts? The leader is inside of us and wants to get out like a genie from a bottle, but we keep him in out of fear, old fear, no longer needed fear. Grow up I would say.

It is through this fear and well-intentioned protection mechanisms that we are currently living a minimal version of ourselves. That while the maximum version is here and is eager to be released. Instead of separating ourselves from others, as we do with ourselves, it is so important to go back into that connection with ourselves and look for that leader, who does not yet dare to pass through the flapping gate. The point is, if we allow, acknowledge, and welcome the leader within us, we plant seeds around us. And it doesn’t matter where we sow, fertile soil or dead matter, because we don’t know where exactly it ends up and we don’t know whether or not it grows there. It is our assumptions that preclude us from sowing on supposedly dead matter. We cannot be maximum and live maximum, and we cannot enjoy maximum when we bombard our life path with beliefs in our minds and therefore completely pull the plug on our lives. Dare to sow, dare to live.

So, what have we had so far, grow up and dare to live. As an adult leader over our own lives, we can also regain harmony and balance within ourselves. Just listening to who we really are, because it’s that simple. But achieving this simplicity does mean that we must follow our own heart and find our own rhythm. This can mean that we first have to lose everything and then rebuild everything. But as our own leader, even if it is dark and we know nothing for sure, we should be able to complete our own construction project. And we may call upon others to do so, we may conduct this, as long as we remain in harmony with our own rhythm of life. Because true connection with ourselves, as adults and as a sowing leader, brings us intelligence but also playfulness. For fear is then overcome and can be seen for what it really is. Folks, it’s all here, the turning point is here and we’re ready to harvest. It is D-day and today calls for action on our part!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and disempowered in a world that seems to run itself by a few people with ideas that seem to be the opposite of what is best for all, where I cannot see and do not believe as to how to stop this thundering train and become free again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the idea that I can only be free when others let me be free and not realising that I have never been free on this planet earth, I’ve always been manipulated by all that I absorbed as knowledge and information that was not mine but I did agree to take it in, apply and believed in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the leader inside of me was too scared to come out for this outer world which turns out to be more my own created idea about this outer world than the real outer world, that I did not even came to the idea to take self-responsibility and structure and create my own inner and outer world that is best for all to live by as a principle of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the “being scared character” to not act and take self-responsibility as a leader could do, talking about leaders in my outer world and never making the connection to my own self-leadership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that talking about our current fucked up world would be enough to make a difference, while I do know that only actions count, when it comes to real time physical change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to my mind when it comes to self-leadership, I believed my mind saying I’m too weak to lead, I’m too imbalanced to lead, I’m too dumb to lead, I’m not good enough to lead, and not realising that I bought into it, I believed this without understanding where this data/information was of my mind was coming from and how randomly my mind throws this at me, where I believe it get scared and crawl back under my stone within myself, so as I am my mind, being and body I am also the one that can stop these tantrums of the mind and see through this programming and accept that I am a self-leader as well, maybe one with cold water fear, but nevertheless I am a leader, the leader over my own thoughts/feelings/emotion/fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can follow my own rhythm, discover my own rhythm and still be in balance and harmony with my outer world, as the saying goes, as within so without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a minimal version of myself while I do not want to live this minimal version of myself, I know deep down that I am a maximal version in potential, yet I do feel more comfortable in a version that takes no responsibility and where I can cheer myself on for lifting my one toe, putting no real challenge in front of myself out of fear that my mind might be right and that I am totally insufficient and not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy to think about creating or recreating myself and leave it to that, happy thoughts with no follow up to fill my days with fake applications while I see my inner and outer world go to shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to not realise for a long time that I am the one that can pull the emergency break on the train, I might get fined for it, but I did apply myself, slowed my train down and didn’t let fear or any disempowering thoughts get into my way, neither polarise it and thinking I am superwomen, I am enough as I am if I use my potential that I have given myself.

When and as I see myself going in disempowerment, I stop and breathe. I realise that my programming is in my way and I need to get to the blueprint of it to understand myself and direct myself. So, I commit myself to no longer ignore these sparks inside of me that hint me, show me that there is still a leader inside of me that can lead the way through a wood of fear/emotions/feelings/thoughts. And as a note to self: don’t be scared, you are life and life is welcoming you to flourish and not to hunt and eat you, find yourself, show yourself, express yourself, and feel life getting back into you. Where were you al this time? Come and let me hug you, because you are worth it, you as me and me as you.