Dealing with the sudden death of a pet.

“Losing a loved one would be a great loss if we are incapable to give ourselves that what they gave us which was so valuable to us” ~ Sylvia Simone Gerssen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to separate myself from my cat when I see him lying still on the ground after he apparently ran into the living room door which my partner witnessed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disbelief and at the same time, I know by looking at my cat, that there is no life anymore inside of him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the urge to run away from the scene where my cat is dead on the floor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for wanting to run away from the fact that my cat just died.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask my daughter to have a look at the cat since I see her as more capable than I am at this stage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to look at my cat and the fact that he is dead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I have to be strong and need to be practical to get everything arranged that needs to be arranged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become emotional because there is no space for that kind of behavior. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to feel emotional and weak and not yet capable to deal with the whole fact that my very loved cat is no more here. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not a person that wants to scream and express my loss, while I do feel all the emotions go round in my body and I choose to put them on hold for now, not knowing when I do allow myself to let them out or entirely suppress them. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not change within this point of not being able to deal with his sudden death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for all the times that he sprayed my house, his unstoppable cuddles at times that I had no time for it, waking me up while kneading me when sleeping together in my bed and I wished he would not do that and envisioned how it would be without him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do cry about this loss and feel uncomfortable about it as if it is not what I should do and not make a bigger deal out of it than necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not always realise in moments when my cat was still alive how big a gift he was for me and how he taught me to grow in many ways, even now he is gone.

I realise that he learned me how to cuddle unconditionally with him, how to love it when he slept next to me with his head on my pillow, how he made me smile with his funny habits, that being dumb now and then is no crime and how I learned to see him as one and equal to my other family members. 

When and as I see myself going into a sense of loss about my cat, I stop and breathe. I realise that I have lots still to learn from my cat even now he is gone and that I should honor his life by using that what he showed me to grow further in my life. And so, I commit myself to learn the lessons my cat showed me and apply them in my life even when I might resist it.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to apply the lessons learned from my cat, I stop and breathe. I realise that I can always choose to not learn from the ones that were in my life, but life would be worthless if I would not want to improve myself and grow. And so, I commit myself to recognise the resistance, embrace it and realise that I need to get past the resistance to truly see the gift of these lessons play out in my life. And so, I commit myself to add these valuable lessons to my process that I walk, not only to honor my cat but also to honor myself because I deem myself worthy to take these lessons and grow from it.

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