Handling critique on things that I need to survive.

Photograph, used in image, made by Hasan Almasi

“Critique is not the enemy, it gives you the power to direct and change yourself for the better” ~ Sylvia Simone Gerssen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not truly hear the critique that is given to me and instead be absorbed by my body and mind who go into full blast survival mode. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hear the critique given to me as the critique giver meant it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only hear any negative aspect in the critique given to me before any other reflection can take place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear critique with the ears of fear when I think my survival in this world will be threatened. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if the critique giver wants to take my only ticket on surviving away and thus see the critique giver as the enemy in the first moment of receiving critique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that any well-meant and constructive critique can only make myself better if I accept it for what it is, and make more income.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift the attention to the critique giver as the one that should change and not being able to see beyond my fear of survival and see that I get the opportunity to change for the better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attacked by critique when I look through the eyes of fear of survival and only believe in the worst-case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel paralysed/numbed by the critique not knowing what to do in such a moment and only being able to see what was communicated with me a couple of hours or days later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to step out of a situation in which I receive critique and go into a fear of survival, in a way where I hope I will miraculous disappear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face critique when I am in a fear of survival state and it feels all quite surreal and I have no clue how to change the very thing that is suggested to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and not good enough and wanting to quit that what was critiqued even though it is my passion or something I really enjoy doing to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind take over when it suspects that my chance on income is threatened and I go into a flee or fight state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to be good and do things good or better to avoid any critique and feelings that go with it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be near perfect out of fear of critique.

When and as I see myself going into a brain freeze due to critique and fear of survival, I stop and breathe. I realise that I as my mind go into an alarm phase while there is no reason for alarm, except mind overload alarm. And so, I commit myself to take in the critique and breathe through it at first and depending on which person is critiquing choose an appropriate response that is in alignment with my physical reality and not my mind reality. 

When and as I see myself focussing on only the negative within a supportive critique, I stop and breathe. I realise that I just have gone into the fear of survival and I am unable to see things for what they are. And so, I commit myself to breathe, wait for the fear to calm down and repeat the entire critique in my head to see it as a whole and not only the negative. And so, I commit myself to sit with myself afterward and pick the things from the critique on which I already can see how to bring change and save the rest of the critique for a later moment to work with.

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