Why can’t everybody be as efficient as I am

“Frustrations about others is a game called hide and seek, where I do not want to be seen.” ~ Sylvia Simone Gerssen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more efficient than others based on moments of frustration with my outside world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others as it comes to efficiency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up standards of how efficiency should look like based on my own personal situation in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time and energy on frustrations when others are not efficient enough according to my standards and I get totally sucked into this state of mind that will possess me until the mind is entertained with other more important things to keep myself busy with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus on myself and see what triggers me when others are so-called, not efficient enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the frustration about others not being efficient enough to take the attention off of myself, so I do not have to look at what does trigger me in the not efficient enough other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be seen as not efficient and lazy and try to avoid that by being as efficient as can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what others think of my efficiency than whether I find myself efficient enough or not and based on that change my way of approaching things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be okay with moments or days where I am less efficient according to my own standards and to embrace who I am in those moments, face the underlying issues, forgive, apply and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build my own standards of efficiency upon the opinion of others and society and then apply them as if it were really my own standards, while I do feel the fictive eyes of others within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be efficient for myself within what I need but what I think others want me to give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself out of the efficiency equation and only leave my fear of being lazy, not good enough, not being wanted in society in the equation as a motivation to keep going.

When and as I see myself taking myself out of the efficiency equation, I stop and breath. I realise that it is my life and process and I have to determine where efficiency is needed within it all and that has nothing to do with what I think about how others want me to be. And so, I commit myself to focus on myself and see what I really need when it comes to efficiency and that doing less can be efficient as well when it comes to reloading myself. And so, I commit myself to see myself through the eyes of my own needs in order to be optimal for myself and my surroundings.

When and as I see myself hiding myself behind frustrations about other’s inefficiencies, I stop and breath. I realise that it has first to do with me and me trying to distract myself, making others more efficient does not come with frustration but only by example. And so, I commit myself to become my own best version when it comes to efficiency and then lead by example. 

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