Trust in the body and fear of vulnerability of the body.

“As long as I trust vulnerability to be my friend, I will never feel threatened by feeling vulnerable.” ~ Sylvia Simone Gerssen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the body when my vocal cords produce a clear sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust the body when the vocal cords produce a hoarse sound and I let myself go off wandering into all kinds of dramatic scenarios where things will not get back to a normal clear voice again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust only in things that are positive and instantly ready to me and not have faith in recovery or better times at a later point in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the body’s vulnerability when it is not functioning as I think it should.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to think about my vulnerability as a body/being/mind alignment out of the fear that I would cease to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect vulnerability with the negatives in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace vulnerability as a moment to learn, slow down and grow through these moments of vulnerability into a being that welcomes it as part of herself and to communicate/show others how beautiful it can be when I accept it and let it mold myself into a better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist vulnerability in all its varieties and therefore not see what it can do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face the fact that the body is vulnerable to all that I do to it emotionally and that I need to walk the physical part as much as the mental part to get things back on track when the body is hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatience when it comes to healing of the body while I do not take into consideration that I do not know how long it took me to get to this point of a dysfunctional unclear voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my physical and emotional vulnerability as two separate things and not realise that one is the reflection/outcome of the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see vulnerability as a state of weakness that I rather not want to get myself in due to experiences in my childhood. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live weakness as a polarity trying to be as strong as possible where vulnerability is connected to weakness and thus not desirable. 

When and as I see myself not trusting my body because it doesn’t function the way I want, I stop and breath. I realise that trusting my body is the same as trusting myself. I realise that as long as I do not trust myself enough to understand that my hoarse voice has been there to communicate as the body with me I am deaf and dumb. And so, I commit myself to start seeing myself as a whole, the body/being/mind trinity, so that trust is interchangeable among my three components. And so, I commit myself to find trust within myself within the smallest achievable things to grow trust.

When and as I see myself treating vulnerability as only an emotional state and not see how it affects the trinity I exist of, I stop and breath. I realise that I need a balance in all three components in order to function on a healthy level. I realise that being vulnerable is not a bad thing as long as I am my directive principle and gain insight from it. And so, I commit myself to see the word vulnerability not as weak or connected to weakness, but simply as a temporarily state to transit from one mental/physical state to the other. And so, I commit myself to use vulnerability to grow as a being and to show myself and others that vulnerability while being the directive principle is nothing to fear.

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