Programming around food and the digestive system in relation to pre-menopause.

“There is always silence and knowing inside, how hard the storm outside may be.” ~ Sylvia Simone Gerssen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that cleaning my plate is programming and not a part or decision of myself in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the programming to clean my plate feels stronger than who I am around food and the amounts I eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad when I do not clean my plate even though I have come to a point where I feel my body had enough the thoughts in my head will question my morality on whether I should leave my plate with food on it or finish it.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I was brought up by parents who were both born during WOII and grew up with scarcity of food and thus past this through within their parenting towards me as well as genetically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my programming wants to eat a larger portion coming from scarcity, and my body doesn’t need these amounts anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt the nature of my true inner voice when it comes to what my body needs in relation to the amount of food to keep healthy and enough strength to be able to do my daily tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant when it comes to metabolism, the digestive system and menopause.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that my metabolism is slower, now I am in a hormonal transition, and I do not need the amounts of food anymore that were previously good portions for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat smaller portions while being amazed by the smaller portions and still feeling well without any hungry feelings and at the same time I hear this voice inside of me asking if it is truly enough food I take in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mistaken this voice of the mind for my own inner voice and immediately go into thought and consciously add some to the portion I am about to eat, to later on feel the ever so slight consequences on my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad if I add to my portions because by now I know how nagging the mind voice sounds and that it is me who gives it a real voice by acting on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the mind’s voice as nagging and being impatient with myself for not yet being able to resist the mind’s voice, while it is about my frustration about not yet being perfect in relation to my food intake and my relationship with the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that this same mind voice that is asking if it is enough what I eat is also questioning me whether I am enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself if I am enough while I’ve showed myself true will power when it comes to my food intake, diet to get my body functioning healthy again and free of medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am allowed to be proud of myself for all the steps I took and be patience with the little steps that I still have to walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go fast and straighten out everything right now and not take into consideration that generational programming took a while to become manifested let alone to be stopped and transitioning into menopause and beyond takes a certain amount of time as well to get comfortable into a new place to stand and be still within this hormonal storm that takes place.

When and as I see myself going into generational food programming, I stop and breath. I realise that thoughts about adding some more are the red flags here and are not coming from a true need of my body in the moment. I realise that this programming was a coping mechanism during the war and that it served its purpose, yet it is no longer needed anymore. And so, I commit myself to slow myself down if I have thoughts coming up about adding some more food and trust my body with the amounts it needs right now. And so, I commit myself to stop myself at that thought of adding more, because I know it is not my inner voice speaking to me, and if it turns out to not be enough, then I can add more later on through experience and not through thought.

When and as I see myself going into non-menopausal appetite, I stop and breath. I realise that I am a woman in pre-menopause and that I need to adjust myself to the new situation to not trigger my reflux and take good care of my body, the only vessel that is the reason for being here. And so, I commit myself to recognise and acknowledge the change I am going through and within that embrace these changes without mindfully question it and go with the flow of what is here, to be still and enjoy the silence from within although there is a storm outside. And so, I commit myself to stay aware of what my body in transition really needs and not act on old patterns.

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